Fix the O's

I really don't mean to diminish the importance of Frank's "Lance Bass is Gay" blog, but I haven't posted in a week, so here we go.

With the MLB trade dealine approaching on July 31st, it's time to face the fact that our beloved Baltimore Orioles just plain suck. I believe we are one front line starter, another starter, some bullpen help, and a slugging first baseman/left fielder who isn't over 35 years old away from competing. So we are pretty close.

Nevertheless, Miggy Tejada's name has been repeatedly showing up in trade rumors. The Astros, Angels, Dodgers, Tigers and Rangers are all showing interest. The Orioles are reportedly seeking a 3 for 1 trade for Tejada, seeking young pitching, fielding, and other stuff, just as long as they are young.

As much as I hate to admit it, The Orioles probably need to trade all of their good players and start over, like the Marlins did. We need better prospects, and we need to give up on a few of our players who REALLY aren't working out. It would be admitting defeat if we did this, but...yeah...we are pretty defeated.

Here's how I'd fix the O's.

1.) Trade Miggy for good young players or prospects. He's already unhappy, and he'd bring back the most bang for our buck. I think someone will have the players to get a 3 for 1 done, and I think that's what we need to do.

2.) Promote Loewen and Penn (or send Mazzone to Ottowa to work with them exclusively). Seriously, this season is over. I mean, yeah, it may be fun to go to a few games here and there, but we seriously need to be looking to the future for the rest of this season. We need to make sure that these two guys turn out to be Greg Maddox, and John Smoltz.

3.) Get rid of Daniel Cabrera, Rodrigo Lopez, and Bruce Chen. DanCab can really throw the ball really hard, which in his case sucks, because it means that the catcher has to run that much further when he throws a wild pitch. Trade these dudes while they still have SOME value. Maybe stick one of them in the bullpen, but they do not get to start. Period.

4.) Note for the future: Stay away from veterans who's careers are waning. I like Kevin Millar as a person, but without that beard, he sucks. Jeff Conine, BJ Surhoff, Sammy Sosa, and Rafeal Palmeiro were a waste of our time and money. If we could trade Conine and Millar, I'd say do it, but I can't think of anyone who has lower trade value. I think they only have 1 year contracts, so that's good.

5.) Start Nicky Markakis every day and every way. Bat him second so he gets lots of at bats and experience. He could be a really valuable piece. Maybe even hire him his own private coach.

6.) Give Corey Patterson the green light in every situation. I think this has already happened, so we are OK here.

7.) If anyone asks about Melvin Mora, he is totally, and utterly AVAILABLE!!! Earlier in the season, I was all like, "Pay the Dude, Pay the Dude" and now, I think it really would be a good idea to see what we could get for him. My gut tells me not much, but as time goes on, that "not much" will start to become less and less.

8.) If you are going to keep Fernando Tatis, get him back on the juice. Hire him is own chemist who can develop new, "non-detectable" steroids, and human growth hormones. And then, have him hit the weight room. Hard.

9.) Don't spend until you are on the cusp of competing. When you get to the cusp, spend away. 50 Million for 2 years for Barry Zito? OK!

10.) Keep and nurtue Brian Roberts, Eric Bedard, Ramon Hernandez, Chris Ray, David Newhan and Chris Benson. Maybe we should hire a second coach for everything, so they can operate like parents.

So to recap:

Definetely trade: Miggy, Mora, Chen, Rodrigo Lopez, Conine, Javy Lopez, DanCab and Latroy Hawkins.

Definitely Keep: Roberts, Bedard, RamHern, Ray, the Bensons, Newhan, Patterson, and Markakis. Oh, and Loewen and Penn are staying.

Not bad to keep, but perhaps available too: Jay Gibbons, and Kevin Millar.

People to think about hiring: Chemist for Tatis, 2nd coach for everything, assign Mazzone to Penn and Loewen exclusively (maybe they can get a townhouse/apartment together), and a rally midget (i.e. 2004 Boston).

Sign of the Apocolypse #372

Lance Bass is gay.

Football is upon us, hazzah!

This has gone on long enough. Since the start of this blog, I have yet to post anything about my truest passion in the sport-o-sphere; football. Which means I also have yet to post on my truest passion within my truest passion; the Redskins. That will now come to an end. Even though no meaningful football game will be played until more than a month from now, I cannot hold out any longer. I will now release my game-by-game predictions of the Skins' regular season schedule:

Game 1: Minnesota
The Vikings will have a new look, no Culpepper, no Moss, no Tice, and I'm willing to bet no boat parties. Brad Johnson and Fred Smoot come back to DC to get a whoopin. We dominate this MNF season opener in honor of Tony K.
27-10 Skins

Game 2: at Dallas
Ok. Same scenario as last year. 2nd game of the season for both teams, at Dallas, with Madden and Michaels calling the game. This should be a win for us, right? Hmm..I have a bad feeling about this game. As much as I KNOW we are a better team than Dallas, I think Jerry Jones pays off a few refs and we lose because of a pass interference call on T.O.
17-14 Dallas

Game 3: at Houston
If they had drafted Reggie or Vince, I'd be a little nervous about this one, just a little. But since they're ridiculously dumb for not, they deserve to lose all their games. And David Carr sucks.
24-3 Skins

Game 4: Jacksonville
Jax is a playoff caliber team with similar make-up of the Skins, except they're in the AFC. Since we have some sort of phobia of beating AFC teams, this will be a close and disappointing loss at home. However, I think a 2-2 start will keep us from getting cocky, which will be a good thing down the road.
12-10 Jags

Game 5: at New York Giants
Eli Manning will whine more during this game than Phil Hellmuth and Mike Matusow playing heads up, as our defense collapses and confuses youngest Manning. Tiki coughs up some killer fumbles as the score will seem closer than it will be.
24-17 Skins

Game 6: Tennessee
Will Vince Young be playing by now? I hope so, because a mobile QB and the Skins D don't mix. Sherrif Gonna Getcha...er...I mean Clinton Portis romps all over the field in a breakout game as the Gibbs get a winning streak started.
31-10 Skins

Game 7: at Indy
I am extremely interested in this game. You may think I will lay over and give this game to Indy. Well think again, sucka. The Skins are the perfect team to counter Indy's high-octane offense. With disciplined D and Joe Gibbs' patented clock-killing running game, Peyton won't know what him him. This will also break our losing streat against AFC teams. This will be a key game, propelling us into the "next level".
23-18 Skins

Game 8: Dallas
Revenge. Sweet revenge from the season's earlier loss. Using the Indy win as a boost, we crush Dallas in the same fashion as last year's whomping, prompting T.O. to pull his pants down and poo in Drew Bledsoe's helmet.
63-3 Skins

Game 9: at Philadelphia
Traveling to Philly will no longer be a weary road of failure. No, we shall triumphantly blaze a path of maroon and gold through the dwelling of the maligned Eagle fan. Plus McNabb will be sidelined for this game because of a nagging fro injury.
20-17 Skins

Game 10: at Tampa Bay
In a rematch of our playoff victory, the game is close for 3 quarters. In the 4th, however, Chrissy Simms sinks the ship of the Bucs and throws 2 costly picks to seal the game for the Skins. This will also be right around the time the Mets win the World Series, FYI.
17-7 Skins

Game 11: Carolina
Our 6-game win streak comes to a screeching halt, as the Panthers show why they are a Super Bowl contender. Delhomme and Smith give us a pounding in what will be the preview of the NFC Championship game, but hopefully with a different result.
34-10 Panthers

Game 12: Atlanta
Uh Oh. Mark Brunell lunges for a first down in the opening drive and is slow to get up. He is favoring his knee and ultimately has to sit for the game. Journeyman Todd Collins takes the reigns only to be pummeled by the Atlanta D. Vick punches in the winning score while Skins fans are left wondering if Brunell returns next week...
23-17 Atlanta


Game 13: Philadelphia
...after much fasting and daily prayer sessions by Gibbs and Brunell, his knee is miraculously healed! The Eagles go up early however, and McNabb looks on his game. Yet, Brunell is seen eating communion on the sideline at half-time and scampers for a 58 yard touchdown to lead the Skins to another Philly sweep.
28-24 Skins

Game 14: at New Orleans
The Skins couldn't have had a better road game at this point. New Orleans has now won a game this season because of the Reggie Bush holdout and a season ending injury to Drew Brees. They do put up a fight however, as the Skins squeek by in a low scoring affair.
13-7 Skins

Game 15: at St. Louis
If the Skins win or the Giants lose, the Skins clinch the division. The Rams come out blazing, though, and Bulger and Holt hook up for two scores in the first half. A comeback falls short for the Skins, yet are relieved to hear that the Saints have won their first and only game of the year against the Giants. Way to go, Saints.
27-17 Rams

Game 16: New York Giants
What could have been the season's best game turned out to be a dud, as the Skins rest their starters for clinching the division. The G-men take advantage and win easily. Eli still can't stop whining, though, and someone from the crowd pelts him with a snowball filled with batteries.
23-9 Giants

So I say the Skins will be 10-6 again, like last year, but with the division title. This gives them pretty good playoff position and I think they'll at least make it to the NFC Championship. I'll hold my tongue on the Super Bowl....for now.