What -the flash- Happened?

Did I just dream that the Miami Heat won four straight games after being down 0-2 against the Dallas Mavericks to win the NBA title? Or did that actually happen?

How many people actually believed the Heat would come back from being down 0-2? Even if you said it could happen, did you actually believe it? And in game 3, when the Heat were down by like 80, I know you didn't think they could win it all at that point. You were probably thinking about how much of an idiot you were for picking the Heat. You were probably starting to write your blog about how awesome Frank is for picking Dallas. Well...you can delete that. Frank is not awesome. Frank is not even cool. Frank is lame. Just like the Mavs. (And yes, Jason is awesome, I'm trying to be a gracious loser here)

So, the question is: How did the Mavs blow it? It was pretty obvious that the better team was the Mavs, so they didn't lose because of talent. There were, however, some other "outside forces" that were working against them that, when added up, were too much. Here they are:

The Refs
Dwayne Wade, as great as he is, should not be getting more free throws than the entire team combined. I'm changing Wade's nickname from "Flash" to "Phantom" because of how many phantom fouls he gets. Unbelievable.

David Stern
Mark Cuban had no chance. I did not factor this in before the series and it turned out to be a major X. And don't tell me Stern wouldn't have his hand in this series. He used to be a lawyer, so I wouldn't put it past him. Rigged.

Alonzo's Kidney
After thinking about it, there was no way Alonzo's good kidney was going to let his team lose this game. I'm sure the good kidney dedicated the series to the dead kidney, and gave Alonzo a few extra doses of adrenaline to get up and make those huge blocks. I've coined a new term for anytime Alonzo does something good in a game: Renal. For example: "Alonzo's chest pound after that block was totally renal!"

Go-to Spectator
The Mavericks were lacking in this category big-time. By go-to spectator, I mean someone in the stands who the camera cuts to at a big moment. Think Eva Longoria. ABC could cut away to Shaq's wife or dad. Who do the Mavs have? No one. And Cuban doesn't count. You need someone who isn't part of the team and is a feel good type of person. There's nothing feel good about Cuban.

Media Pun-ability
"Heat". How easy is it for the media to come up with a clever pun to put in the headlines with a name like that? Win or lose, the word Heat can be easily incorporated into a catchy phrase. The only time "the Mavericks" would be relevant would be in a John Wayne movie. Or Back to the Future 3.

George Bush is from Texas
I don't know...he gets enough blame, why not blame him some more. Thanks Bush!