Justify My Thug

So Gilbert Arenas got arrested in Miami for disobeying a police officer last weekend. The officer wrote in his report that Gilbert has said upon his arrest, "You can't arrest me. I'm a basketball player. I play for the Washington Wizards and I'm not going to leave my teammate."

"You know I didn't say that," Arenas said in response. "It's so dumb. . . . Have you seen the movie 'Anchorman?' There's a scene where Ron Burgundy says, 'I'm kinda of a big deal; people know me.' It reminds me of that. (This is a real quote. If I was making this up, there would be more pseudo-swear words, and words in ALL CAPS!)

So yeah, like Michael Wilbon, I believe my man, "Zero Hero" on this one.

I think Gilbert, in response to this incident, should start being really cocky, in jest of course. He should start talking about himself in the third person. ("Gilbert Arenas would like his steak WELL DONE ma'am.")

This would be like the time when someone was like, "You don't pass enough", and he said, "Dude! I'm not Steve Nash!" and then the next game he had like 17 assists, and he didn't shoot.

So now Gilbert has his "Miami Arrest Story" to tell to his family when he gets older. Next time Gilbert, you should get arrested for something juicy like, hosting Dog Fights in your house (Qyntel Woods), or bringing a gun on to a team plane (Sebestian Telfair) or burning your fiance's house down (Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez), or the all time best, chopping your ex-wife's head off (OJ Simpson).

Ah, memories.

Mazzone = Baloney

Thanks for the invite, guys. First post here.

When I heard that Leo Mazzone had been hired in the offseason as Baltimore's pitching coach, I thought, "Man, the O's are going to be unstoppable this year! Of course I have thought that for the past few years, and Frank and Jim think that every year, and are wrong every year, but maybe this is the year!"

Why did I think that this one man would pull Baltimore out of their traditional 4th place finish and lead them into contention for the pennant? The past successes of Glavine, Maddux, Smoltz, Avery, even dudes like Kent Mercker speak for themselves. Mazzone's pitchers have dominated the last decade. He turned a young, inconsistent staff into future hall-of-famers, and helped coach his team to more consecutive division titles than should be allowed. So, imagine what Mazzone will do with young talent such as Bedard, Cabrera, and Penn? Plus with Ponson gone, Benson added, and Lopez and Chen back from decent years, the O's staff was looking good this April. The O's even picked up another good catcher who knows how to call a game.

But not anymore. The team has the second-worst ERA in the league, and are once again stuck in 4th place behind the usual Yankees, Red Sox, and Blue Jays. Their "ace" from last year is a rosy 2-7, Chen is 0-5, Cabrera averages 1 walk per inning, etc. The starters are averaging one quality start every three games, and only one has an ERA below 5.00.

I know Mazzone probably just needs more time. And maybe the pitchers aren't used to their new catcher. Who knows. I'm outside of the day-to-day Orioles loop but from afar it doesn't really look good. So maybe some of you Marylanders can chime in and let me know what is going on?

In the meantime all this talk of baloney is making me hungry so I'm going to eat a ham sandwich.

Sports Journalism at it's Finest

Take a look at this picture and caption that was front and center in Yahoo Sports' written recap of last night's Pistons/Heat game:

Detroit Pistons' Rasheed Wallace, right, Ben Wallace, Darko Milicic and an unidentified player, left, sit on the bench during the last seconds of the fourth quarter of Game 4 of the Eastern Conference basketball finals at the American Airlines Arena Monday, May 29, 2006, in Miami. The Heat defeated the Pistons 89-78. They lead the series 3-1.

Notice any blatant errors?

As we all know, that foriegn-looking white guy is not Darko. It's Carlos Delfino. Darko has been shipped out of Detroit with the last load of Hyundai's.
Also, as we all know, that "unidentified player" can be easily identified by sitting down and viewing any Detroit Pistons game. His name is Lindsey Hunter and plays regularly.

How does this sort of shoddy sports journalism happen? It's so bad, it's ludiculous (a cross between ludicrous and ridiculous). I demand that the Yahoo Sports caption editor, along with the intern who wrote the caption, be immediately fired, and replaced by me.