Opinion: Facial Hair = Fun

Hello Everyone,

In today's blog, I will be wading in the waters of opinion...and my topic today is facial hair.

The thing that got me thinking about this is Kevin Millar. On the Red Sox, Millar was known as a clubhouse leader, coining the phrase "Cowboy Up!", which was really cool, in my opinion. All of the Red Sox players would grow nasty facial hair, and things were merry.

But since moving on to the Orioles, Millar has been forced to shave his nasty facial hair because the Orioles have a "No Facial Hair" team policy. Johnny Damon, who probably had the best facial hair to head hair combo since Goose Gossage, was also forced to shave his Jesus beard off when he joined the Yankees. Now, instead of being known as the guy who looks like Jesus, he will be known as the sell-out, who ruined the lives of all those people who bought those "Damon is my home boy" t-shirts.

In short, I think these "no facial hair policies" are stupid. The game is supposed to be fun. When it looks like the players are having fun, then we want to have fun with them. We want to buy more tickets to games, we want to buy more merchandise, and we want to grow nasty facial hair too (if we are in college). These aren't corporate jobs...they are ball players. Let them have fun!!!

Who would you rather have on your team?


This Guy?

Or This Guy.....


I think my point has been made. Facial Hair + Baseball = FUN!!!!

Wise up, Orioles! It's time to unleash the beasts!

Baseball Quick Hits

Now that '06 baseball is underway, let's take a look at some highlights, surprises, and general nuggets to start out the season, handpicked by yours truly:

1. The Mets currently have the best record in the NL. This was the really the main reason why I wanted to post this list, so as to brag. I know it's early, but Atlanta, prepare to relinquish your crown.

2. Doc Gooden was sentenced to a year in jail for his annual probation violation. The good news is that he gets credit for previous jail time, leaving him with only 7 1/2 months to serve. He'll be home in time for Christmas!

3. Griffey Jr. seems like a fantasy draft steal with his hot early numbers. Not so fast though, as I just got word that he twisted both groins while doing butterfly stretches in pre-game warm-ups.

4. Keith Foulke got the hook in Boston, which is good for Sox fans since Papelbon looks like a legit closer. I should have listened to Bill Simmons, who said to draft Papelbon no matter how many people make fun of his name.

5. Dick Cheney, who threw out the pitch at the Nats home opener, was reported to be wearing a bullet-proof vest. This was because Harry Whittington was in attendance. (Jay Leno, your job is not safe)

6. Eric Chavez is actually having a decent start to the season. Somebody has to be slacking on the steroids tests in Oakland for this to happen. I see an "Original Whizzinator" scenario brewing here.

7. A.J. Burnett, Nomar, Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, and Eric Gagne all start the season on the DL. Actually, I didn't need to say that, did I?

8. The Braves pitching staff is off to a horrible start, while the O's staff is starting strong. The Leo Mazzone addition will turn out to be the best move in baseball this year, without a shred of doubt.

9. Barroid Bonds is hacking away in San Fran with no taters as of yet. That's OK though, because his new reality show "Bonds on Bonds" had to have taken a toll on him from all the cutting out of footage that put him in any sort of negative light.

10. Pedro was involved with another bench clearing incident where he plunked Jose Guillen of the Nats twice. No punches were thrown, as many players were trying to throw each other down by the back of the neck. Don Zimmer was then seen charging towards Pedro from the crowd, but then slowly backed away as Pedro did the Crane stance.

This concludes my baseball season opening Quick Hit List. I hope to have another list for the start of the NBA Playoffs. Feel free to comment with your own, but make sure they are uproariously funny.

Baltimore! Introducing your starting OF!...all 7 of them!

Gibbons
Newhan
Markakis
Conine
Matos
Patterson
Millar




O's manager Sam Perlozzo (Did they make it a rule that all O's managers have to have a double "Z" in their name from now on?) has been shuffling the starting outfield line up more than my Grandpa Bill's card shuffling machine.

(My Grandpa Bill used to play cards a lot, and then his arthritis got really bad so he couldn't shuffle the cards anymore. So then he got the machine to do it for him. But once you can't shuffle the cards anymore for yourself, the game loses its sexiness, and he soon quit after that. He's now sitting in front of a tv with headphones with the volume turned all the way up.)

I think this is a good thing. Perlozzo is basically saying..."If you produce, you will play." Some people, like Melvin Mora, may think this is bad, because players like consistency. I think its great, because all of the players out there are getting used to playing, and a lot of them are producing.

But this begs the question, and please, LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR OPIION, what is our best starting outfield? If the playoffs started today, who would you put out there....Discuss...

I'm going with Gibbons, Conine, and Markakis. Followed closely by Newhan, and Matos. Followed not so closely by Patterson. I'd really like to see that upside, Corey.

Masters? More Like Napsters

I'm going to go ahead and talk some golf. I know that a lot of people don't give a flying flapjack about golf, but some of us do. And by us I mean me. So I watched the final round of the Masters on Sunday and, for golf fans, the final round leaderboard was a smorgasboard of the greatest names in the game, all looking to rise up and don the green jacket. I was salivating at the chance to see the Big Four: Tiger, Phil, Vijay, and Ernie, all rounding the turn and primed for a duel to the death. Actually, I was hoping for a 10-way tie, where the tournament directors decided that they couldn't decide it in a traditional playoff, but all had to fly to Tokyo and compete against each other in the Viking Extreme Obstacle Course. Last one standing wins (if you haven't seen The Viking on ESPN2, you're missing a stupendous show).

Anyway, the round started off well, as there were 5 or so players tied for first after about 6 holes. But as the day progressed, the players started dropping like flies, all except for Phil Mickelson, who played a steady, easy-going round. Everyone else just jumped off a cliff. Rocco Mediate shot a 10 on one hole, Fred Couples putted worse than a 5 year old girl, Ernie Els' knee injury flared up, and Vijay was glaringly inconsistent, following every birdie with a bogey. That left Tiger. His tee to green play was astoundingly better than everyone else in contention. Yet, he somehow couldn't put the ball in the hole the same we he usually does when he's leading a tournament. He gave himself two crucial eagle putts within 20 feet, and if he made them, he would have got momentum and the crowd on his side, while putting immense pressure on Phil. But he missed them both. Badly. He even missed the birdie putt coming back on one of them, ultimately leaving him tied for third, not second. I then realized that Tiger has never once truly come back to win a major tournament. He only wins when he's in the lead. He CANNOT pull off a comeback victory. After I had done about two hours of research on how Tiger has no signature comebacks, I ran across an AP article that pretty much sums it all up (and proved my research to be a colossal waste of time, thanks AP). Check it out HERE.

Because of Tiger's major flaw, the Masters turned out to be a major let down (and turned my Masters into the Napsters). I rest this all on Tiger because he's supposed to be extaordinary. He's the one player who we all think can win any tournament, any time, no matter how far back he is. But that turns out to be just hype and mystique. If you want a comeback, take a look at the video tape of Phil's monumental Masters of two years ago. He got it done. Something I'm not sure is in Tiger's golf bag.