I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS

You may think that a Will Ferrell quote as the title of this post has nothing to do with sports, and you may think it's rather random. Well, you are both right and wrong at the same time. How is that possible, you ask? Well yes, it has nothing to do with sports and yes it is random, but that sort of Will Ferrell randomness leads me directly into my post today: my random thoughts on whatever sports headlines I feel like rambling about. In conclusion, Will Ferrell is funny.

1. Mavs vs. Heat. Game 1. Everyone is saying this should be a great series and I tend to agree. You have two superstars who can't be guarded in Shaq and Dirk. You have an electrifying, young rising star in Wade, the first of the new breed to get to the finals. You have a resurging floor general and resident crotch-puncher (my new favorite term) in Jason Terry. Both teams have a multitude of key role players, X-factors, energy guys, and crafty veterans. Both teams have stand-out coaches. Avery Johnson, current coach of the year vs. Pat Riley, the greatest hair-slicker of all time. Also, most importantly, documented in this blog, I predicted the Mavs would win it all and Jason predicted the Heat would. It's our first SportsEaters prediction showdown. May the best Eater win....(obviously me).

2. Stanley Cup Finals. Feel the weight. As in Doug Weight, forward for the Carolina Hurricanes. I'm sure none of you watched any of the first two games since A) you don't care, and B) it's on OLN, which I still can't figure out what that stands for. Well, you are missing some serious awesomeness on ice. In game 1, the Hurricanes came back from a 3-0 deficit to win 5-4. They knocked out Edmonton's goalie with an injury and the backup screwed up a puck behind the net leading to the wide-open game winner to Rod Brind'Amour, who's nose rivals that of The Penguin played by Danny DeVito. Edmonton lost last night and is now down 2-0 in games, but are heading to home ice. I think they can bring it back to 2-2, though, and make a run for the great Cup. Did you know they are an 8 seed? Little known fact.

3. Speaking of Cups. The World Cup. The mayhem starts tomorrow. Much hooliganism and shenaniganarianism will be had by many. Just like hockey, though, I'm possibly the only one on this blog that remotely cares. That makes me twice as pumped. The USA has an outside chance of eventually losing to Brazil. I like our odds. If anyone needs motivation to watch the games just watch this video from YouTube, with Jim's favorite band Creed providing inspiration: Greatest Goals Ever

4. Jason Grimsley. Steroids are in the news. With a vengeance. And just when you thought they'd be going away for a while. Well, in case anyone hasn't figured it out by now, steroids are NOT going away. For a long time. Mark McGwire would have liked us to not look at the past, but look forward to the future. Well, Mark, the future looks to be filled with as many needle-soaked butts as the past, maybe more. The story about Jason Grimsley saying there were coffee pots in clubhouses labeled "leaded" and "unleaded", meaning with or without steroids, is huge, because that means the team organization itself was aware of it. Some say that those labels just mean caffeinated and decaf, but if that's the case, why not just label them that way? Why use code words? It's time to bring out the M.I.B. Cue the Will Smith song. "Woo! There go the Men In Black....Galaxy defendiiiin....Woo!" (Your welcome).

5. The Mets. My team looks good. This is clearly a biased opinion, but the Mets will get to the World Series. I also predict the Yankees will face them in a Subway Series rematch. We are clearly putting the peices together. David Wright is the real deal, Reyes is a table setter, Delgado is a slugging veteran, Pedro is dominant, Glavine is reborn, and the bullpen is solid. With the acquisition of El Duque, who already has WS wins with two other teams and pitched dazzlingly (if that's a word) for the White Sox last post-season, they can win it all. I think they'll land someone at the trade deadline along the lines of Dontrelle or Zito, solidifying their dynasty where they'll win the next 10 titles. Ok, that was overboard. But they should contend for a while, more than I can say about them O's.

6. McNair. Ravens. Big Whoop. I expect Aaron to give his two cents on the Ravens acquisition of McNair since he's a mutinous Ravens fan, and I expect him to like the deal. I expect any Raven fan to like the deal, actually. If Elvis Grbac came out of retirement to QB the Ravens, I'd be an excited Ravens fan. Anything is better than Kyle Boller. I don't think McNair is as big of a deal as he's hyped up to be. He's old and banged up. In a division like the AFC North, he'll get punished by the Steelers and Bengals. The Titans didn't even want him working out in their own training facility because they were afraid he'd hurt himself and they'd still have to pay him. I've never heard of that before. I say he doesn't last past week 8. Enough Ravens talk, blech.

7. Michelle Wie. Misses U.S. Open. I can't believe the hype she gets. She has won absolutely NOTHING and she gets hours of coverage on ESPN and columns dedicated to her practice rounds. It's ridiculous. Why so much coverage? Have you ever heard of the name Tadd Fujikawa? Neither had I until today when I saw a tiny blurb on Yahoo. He is 15 years old, 1 year younger than Wie. He is from Hawaii, just like Wie. He tried to qualify for the U.S. Open, just like Wie, and guess what, he MADE IT. Wie did not. Where's his press coverage? Why is he not leading sports center? Also, guess how tall he is....5 foot 1 inch! That's awesome! He hits it 285 yards! Too bad he wasn't born a girl or he'd be landing million dollar Nike deals.

Alright, I'm done. I'm parking the Stratus.